Forgot password?
submarines shipbuilding Black Sea Fleet exercise Pacific Fleet Russian Navy Northern Fleet strategy cooperation Ukraine visits Russia piracy missiles trials Sevastopol history Sevmash presence contracts drills Baltic Fleet industry incident anti-piracy shipyards training Gulf of Aden frigate Somalia India developments reforms opinion Borei policy procurements Russia - India aircraft carrier Crimea arms exports USA St. Petersburg France financing tests Bulava Yury Dolgoruky Serdiukov US Navy Mediterranean cruise Zvezdochka NATO innovations United Shipbuilding Corporation Indian Navy Medvedev Arctic agreements commission Admiralteyskie Verfi Admiral Gorshkov Mistral Vladivostok accident hijacking corvettes overhaul Russia - France Admiral Kuznetsov anniversary Rosoboronexport Vysotsky ceremony event Yantar Severomorsk negotiations defense order conflict aircraft China deployment naval aviation Putin Black Sea investigations Varyag coast guard Novorossiysk Vikramaditya landing craft Far East marines crime Severnaya Verf meeting scandals memorials traditions Syria Japan escort South Korea statistics Neustrashimy Yasen tenders Admiral Chabanenko convoys Marshal Shaposhnikov Ukrainian Navy problems Severodvinsk Chirkov reinforcement tension tragedy technology firings frontier service Caspian Flotilla hostages search and rescue Baltic Sea upgrade Moskva provocation Almaz court rumors keel laying Dmitry Donskoy Turkey Admiral Panteleyev Atalanta helicopters Kilo class Kaliningrad shipwreck Petr Veliky death World War II Norway Admiral Vinogradov Rubin launching delivery patrols
Our friends russian navy weapons world sailing ships
Tell a friend Print version

Where were you?

“Where were you?”

“Who? Me?”

“Yes… yes, you! Where were you?”

“Where was I?”

ComDiv-One – commander of the first division – is questioning Kolya Mitrofanov, the group commander. “I was at my post.”

“You weren’t at your post. Where were you?”

The ship had just arrived from a practice outing for nuclear warfare and dear Kolya had jumped off the vessel in his quilted jacket and marked boots.

“Where were you?”

“Who? Me?”

“No, I mean just look at this vagabond… yes, yes, I mean you, where were you?”

“Where was I?”

It took Kolya three hours to hitch-hike his way to Murmansk. The pale lad was lucky. He was at the airport one hour after that. He got on a plane and flew off to St Petersburg. At exactly seven in the morning, he was in there.

“Where were you?”

“Who? Me?”

“Yes, yes! You, you, sonny, you – my precious, where were you?”

“I was where everyone else was.”

“And where was everyone else?”

Kolya’s overcoat was hanging in his cabin; with his boots and military cap. They noticed he was missing after about four hours. Everyone said he was somewhere around the place or maybe sleeping somewhere.

“Where were you?!!”

“Who? Me?”

“YES! YES! YOU! You bastard, where were you?!”

“Well, really, Vladimir Semyonovich, I mean really, where could I have been?”

“That’s what I’m asking, where were you?!”

During the ten hours in St Petersburg, Kolya managed (a) to meet an unknown girl (b) to do a whole load of interesting things with her and (c) to fly back to Murmansk.

He was absent, all in all, for twenty hours.

“I’m asking you again, where were you?!”

“WHO? ME?”

“Yes, you bastard, you! You… go stick a clarinet up your arse! Where were you?”

“I was in my cabin.”

The ComDiv all but choked.

“In your cabin?! In your cabin?! Where were you?!!!”

I left the compartment so as not to hear this wailing of the Viennese woods.

Table of contents